What is happening in my life that I could bring myself to type out...
Well, this town is getting to me. In a bad way. I know I shouldn't complain too much, because there's always the possibility of moving somewhere else, and sow the seeds of a new life within a new area. But getting my family back together has been somewhat bitter-sweet... I feel guilty for being in their hair this long and fucking up the few chances I've been given.
Sometimes I think it'd be a right move to end the show... but there's so much I haven't done! I can't give up. It's not worth losing, even if I'll be in a wheelchair in five years, or I drop dead in the street due to a cardiac arrest.
Nevertheless, I have to keep trying for everyone around me including myself. I'm awfully good at kicking myself now that my nerves have given themselves so much practice, but I think I'd much rather live with myself in a positive way rather than believing that I'm a burden and am not worth the spare parts it took to assemble me. Or what I think is me. That's another problem entirely... Maybe having to do with some deep-rooted psychological abnormality or the conditioning I was through. At this point, it might be best to see a professional to help me bounce the ball off more than just one wall... Second opinion that isn't coming from people who I'm used to hearing complimentary things from. A STRANGER's OPINION! One that is not biased or distorted by the possibilities that they might know what sort of shit I've done.
Speaking of shit I've done... There hasn't been a lot as far as financial. Aside from the fact that my loans are picking up and I'm going to start paying them back... Soon.
So maybe moving up to Tofino with Evan, Sharon and Rylee would be good. Even if I was just a scraggly speed head in the dish-pit, I'd still be better off than rotting in this prison. And be getting paid for it!
Yeah, I think up North is going to be my next goal... Now I just have to update my god-forsaken resume and remember my old bosses last name! FUCK!